The In-Between

I’ll be releasing a new song this month titled “The In-Between.” For most of my life, I’ve felt that I’ve been living in a state of “in-between.” I’ve struggled, wrestled, and lamented— eager to arrive, impatient to find some sense of closure, anxious to move forward. It’s not an unfamiliar struggle for Christians. A life of faith is often perceived to be full of joyful happenings and epic pinnacles. But the reality is: we spend much of our time in the “in-between.” This in-between is complicated and difficult, often accompanied by feelings of promises held back and forward paths hidden. The God we thought we knew is suddenly a stranger. We wander about and stumble along the way, frequently getting lost.

What has made the “in-betweens” more disorienting is that our culture doesn’t exactly make this easier. We’re amazon-primed to expect instant gratification throughout our daily lives and everything— from the immaterial to the physical— has become instantaneous. This kind of society encourages complaints at even the slightest of delays. This can bleed into our spiritual lives; a delay also can make us feel justified to doubt the love of God.

Many of the lyrics of the song “The In-Between” came to me on a random Sunday morning as I sat in a pew in church. In all honesty, the words we were singing together for one song didn’t quite sit right with me. In some way, I couldn’t fully sing what I wasn’t exactly feeling during that moment. It wasn’t that I doubted God, but rather that I wanted to express lament and share the state of my heart in all its brokenness. I wanted the verses of this song to serve as an honest dialogue with God. The chorus was an expression of what living life here in this world was like. There is a great need for more honest songs sung in church… songs that express truth even through struggles and doubt.

The song also is not a complaint about this “in-between” time but rather a “pointing toward” proposing a willingness to mine the treasures that come from this particular time. Could God teach us in these “in-between” times? Through so many ups and downs, it’s taken me decades to recognize that my emphasis on on-the-spot answers and fast resolutions has distorted my perception of the divine. I’ve had to seek God’s presence through lonely, dark times of grief and deep loss— not just when things were going wonderfully. While painful, it’s been necessary to accept that the God of the “in-between” does not exist for my own comfort.

I’ve written about intentionality quite a bit through my songs and the “in-between” times of my life have served as a vessel to trust in faith even more, instead of just putting my heart “on hold” until things get better.

One of my favorite writers, Frederick Buechner writes “Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the boredom and pain of it, no less than in the excitement and gladness; touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it, because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.”

Through the bridge of my song, I wanted to place reminders that nothing needs to be wasted. Everything—every setback, every heart smile, every season of solitude—is brimming with light. The in-betweenness of our lives could be freeing us, transforming us, refining us… even as we “slowly move on a tightrope … balancing this world of doubt on a braid of hope…”