The Cost (of Loving You)

My next standalone single, The Cost (of Loving You),  releases on September 4, 2020.

I wrote this song a little while back, not really intending to release it (much like So Wrong) but  decided to go for it because maybe someone needs to hear it. The backstory addresses a handful of themes related to love. First, there is the universal struggle of the hesitation to step forward, to let go, and to love another person selflessly. Second, is the universal experience of hardships found in attempting to love someone who carries a lot of hurt and brokenness. And in that reflection, realizing my own brokenness and shortcomings, which in turn helped me to understand and see myself more clearly (and admitting that it isn't all that pretty). Then comes my honest acknowledgement that I was set in my ways to never entertain romantic love or let another person become a priority over what I believed to be a calling that demanded all of my focus. As a former hopeless romantic, I'm afraid I overcorrected, making excuses to reject opportunities even when it could have been something amazing.  Thinking I was strong and independent, I still selfishly sought out love like a kind of topical balm that I could simply apply to my own wounded body and ego when I had a moment to withdraw from the combat of creating art.

I've often struggled with the intersection between art and selfishness, and how the common thread of love intertwines itself in both. I wanted to write from the perspective of two individuals with opposing experiences. I wrote the first verse, drawing from my own perspectives, and the second verse imagining the perspective of many wonderful women who I did not fully allow myself to open my heart to. (I asked my dear friend, Calie-- who you might recall sang background vocals on my Amen track on the Kairos album-- to lend her beautiful vocals for this verse). 

On the surface, while the song seems like a sad one, I see it as a "turning over of a new leaf."  I want to accept the love that I feel I deserve. **The Perks of Being A Wallflower reference**

Saint Augustine, who once said that to sing is to pray twice, also offered up another one of my favorite quotes:  Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.

That is the cost of love but also a reminder that it isn't without purpose.

This song is my own personal reminder of growth toward loving myself, and in turn, being able to love others— in a healthy way— how they deserve to be loved.

I hope the song moves and encourages you.

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P.S. If you’d like to hear the song (and all my other future releases) weeks to months early, please consider supporting my music and art via my Patreon which I recently launched!