Valentines Day: Why I Don't Deserve Her

It’s Valentine’s Day. While I feel that my maturity, at least in the context of relationships, grows with each passing February 14th, I came to a pretty poignant realization in the past few months: I don’t deserve her.

Who is ‘her,’ you ask? Gentlemen, ‘her’ is that particular female friend in your life. Yea, that one that you are not officially “dating.” The one you enjoy companionship with. The one you enjoy texting when you’re feeling lonely or wanting to converse with the opposite sex. The one you’ll meet up with from time to time or maybe more often than that. The one you flirt with for the thrill of it. It may not even be one; it might be many. Sadly, whether we choose to admit it or not, it’s the one person we’re “dating” but without any of the commitment.

I am selfish. I guess I’ve always known that. I could twist this in so many ways saying that it’s just human nature and that I’m just doing my best, but all that is just my own way of rationalizing my way out of admitting that I don’t deserve her.

With a sense of youth, I feel that I am not ready to set aside the things I want to do in my life. If I were to enter into a relationship, I’m sure that I would love deeply and would probably allow it to become a higher priority than what might be best for me in my singleness. But because of these various deliberations and logic, I have probably misled many wonderful females I have had the pleasure of coming across in my life.

This so-called dysfunctional relationship actually isn’t so rare when I look around at many around  me. We, as men, need to step up as gentlemen and stop treating these females as placeholders. While it may deceptively seem like both parties benefit from this convenient relationship or “friendship” of sorts, I sadly admit that we’re just blind. We’re just feeding our desire to have a relationship that theoretically benefits us, yet we don’t give thought to the long-term repercussions. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard the following statement from one of my male friends: “yo, we’re just friends” or “dude, she’s like a sister to me.” I know that I’m guilty of having given this kind of response to passing inquiries as well.

So why is there a dire need for this so-called “wake-up call”? Because the risk lies in not only a convenient relationship with your “just friend” but rather in her heart and the vulnerability that encases it.

I know so many females with wonderful hearts. These very same women are expecting males around them to make the first move and as these very same women grow older, they’re bound to weigh the actions of their male friends when all these men are doing are feeding their own egos.

We, as gentlemen, need to stop feeding our own egos and stop passively advocating these single women to waste their time on us if we’re not romantically interested. That being said, if you are really interested in your female friend, stop being a coward and pursue her. Otherwise, end the quasi-friendship and MAN up. I’ll guarantee you that even though you are “just friends” when you end this, it will feel like a deep breakup. And even more so if you really care for the girl. Either way, taking this step is definitely a difficult one, but it is a step that needs to be taken.

It’s a sad realization i’ve come to, but it is one that reminds me that I’m a broken guy in need of a lot of Grace and though I fail, I’m growing and becoming a better human being. In carrying on these so-called quasi-relationships, I haven’t just been stealing her time and attention, I’ve been stealing the love and emotional intimacy that she should be reserving for her future love interest. And this is why I don’t deserve her.